ON RELATIONSHIPS; or, FULL OF THE JOYS OF SPRING

it's possible that it's only because of the onset of spring and the accordant spike in the population's collective libido. there are the natural requirements of the season. it's more likely, however, that it's just that time in the relationship when it's necessary to put in the extra energy required to sustain the magic or just to call it quits in the interest of saving time and sanity -- not to mention alimony and broken crystal. i realized yesterday that it's been over ten months with the blog, almost a year -- which is pushing the shelf life of any honestly passionate relationship -- and that the situation had gotten noticeably stale, albeit gradually and imperceptibly until i happened to look back and take stock of the whole. (a shopper in vancouver -- or, who knows, maybe someone planning a visit -- found his way to the vancity shopping live blog from last summer.)

isn't that how it goes? eleven months later and you hardly know how you got here. this isn't not what you want. definitely not. how could it be? you didn't have much of an idea of what you wanted when you got involved in the first place. it was so fun and exciting, and that was enough for then. and your friends liked him. and through him you made new ones. what more could you want? except maybe to have it with someone else, or to discover yourself again in the relief of being alone. just thoughts. not that what we have is bad, but something has to be done about that staleness.

by what i may come to regret as a serious and lamentable momentary lapse in judgment (or maybe i've actually done some growing), i've decided that i want to make it work. the going won't be as easy as it was as the summer honeymoon transitioned to international adventures and then the holidays, but resigning myself to a different kind of progress is, from what information i can gather from my observations, the essence of a "working" relationship. we'll definitely have to address the issue of monogamy and infidelities. so far, i've only flirted with the idea of another blog, but, to be honest, it seems simpler and more fulfilling to have our desires met where they'll be received most enthusiastically. we have different needs. just because certain of mine are being satisfied elsewhere doesn't mean we're any less important to each other. like i said, i've only flirted, but it's not a bit ironic that the other blog is called "sex and compromise" (thanks, michael).

i also recognize that part of making it work is moving past old hangups. having been together long enough to look back and see that things aren't as easy as they we're in the beginning means having enough to look back on to know what didn't work, which then means forgiving, and asking for forgiveness, too. this can't just be about me. and wouldn't you know? salon.com's laura miller recently wrote an encouraging article/book review on "a cure for writer's block." she has some good things to say, and she's not herself a bad writer, either. my beef, now all but forgotten, was just the peacocking of a self-conscious new love. i'm sorry ms. miller, the world to me then was a different place. we're much less hyperlinked here now, and hopefully a little more thoughtful.

plus, she gives me an easy out (as helpful suggestion), both for today and for through the inevitable foibles of this relationship in progress: "some of the most famously 'blocked' writers, such as samuel taylor coleridge, wrote reams of stuff -- just not the stuff they thought they ought to be writing. it's amazing what you can get done when you believe you're shirking some other, more important enterprise." indeed. "that's what every blocked writer really needs: something more significant they should be doing instead, an earth-shaking, life-changing project you're stealing time from to work on this little [blog project]. or the great [blog project] you ought to be drafting while you knock off your memoir just for fun." you see? it's just that this thing we're doing has become so important to me. "sex and compromise" would actually bring us closer. no?

it can be confusing...but, then again, it's probably probably just the libido spike. pretty petty euphemisms are the joy of spring. i, however, am in it for the long haul -- with the stipulation that i might back out, remorseless, at any time. it's no use pretending otherwise, all of this is exactly why we fell in love. now if portland could just do us something about the constant rain.