so maybe i'm a hypocrite. but there's a popular legend about columbus that i'm partial to repeating in hopes that it might improve my hometown's credibility...or desirability...or maybe just my own. and it goes: that as a result of the police raid of the stonewall inn in 1969 there were riots in three american cities, the first two being the obvious new york and san francisco, and the third being the almost unthinkable columbus, ohio. columbus considers itself to be very gay, and mayor mike coleman was the first ally talking in the video made to promote the stonewall community center that screened tonight. the center is a strong and storied fixture of the gay community in columbus, and if my memory of the legend serves me correctly, it even used to hold father-son bridge nights -- the mere possibility of which, as the son of legendary columbus bridge player, has been enough for me to perpetuate the legend. unfortunately, columbus isn't as gay as all that. or maybe it's that the homos here just aren't as supportive of the arts as they'd like to think. or, maybe, stonewall columbus is just falling behind the times. then again, the film festivals that i've regularly attended in portland and vancouver have always skewed older as well (and, truth be told, i never made it to as many screenings at the gay and lesbian film festival in portland as i would have liked -- although i was, to be sure, often deterred by the crowds). in any case, tonight's evening of lgbt shorts, a program of short films sponsored by stonewall columbus as part of the 60th annual columbus international film and video festival (the longest running festival in the country, apparently) was sadly, shamefully under-attended. and no, none of the selections were local; and maybe all the anachronistically hip young gays of columbus were out tonight supporting one of their own. who knows. and so maybe i'm a hypocrite. but i'd bet more money than my father ever won at bridge that there are more people at the theater now for the free weekly screening of "american horror story." what's to do? write out into the ether about some short films. gay short films. because there's apparently no one here who cares.
in short:
"i like my boyfriend drunk," u.s.a., written and directed by josef steiff
it's one guy in a kitchen with a window that looks onto a backdrop of tallish buildings. he talks with a twang. he's drinking a beer and he's opening one for his boyfriend (off screen). "i like my boyfriend drunk," he says. when his boyfriend is sober, he's "a stereotypical guy." but. when he's drunk he says i love you. "when you're drunk," the guy on camera says, "you turn into a real bottom." enough said. i dedicate this film to all of the masculine young professionals of columbus, ohio.
"coffee and pie," u.s.a., directed by douglas horn, written by andrew stoneham
i'm guessing that andrew is a man. so this film was intriguing because it's about a lesbians. more specifically, it's about a breakup conversation between two women, and the fact of their being two women is the only reason that this short could be considered an lgbt film. (do we know if this is a less competitive category for festival submissions? for the record, this year's lgbt shorts program -- which was either the second in the history of the festival or the second to be sponsored by stonewall, i'm not sure -- was competitive and judged.) the thing is, it didn't have to be two women. the dynamic (and the ultimate reversal) would have been believable between a couple of any gender or gender presentation iteration. "we need to talk...because i think i'm unhappy." "do you think or do you know?" not quite ad nauseum. because you realize that this short is about the power dynamic of the conversation, which is a conversation i had the other day (a conversation about the necessity of that conversation, that is). who is that talk for, and what is she expecting as far as a reaction? okay. that and a straight talking lady waitress named billy.
"alone with mr. carter," canada, written and directed by jean pierre bergeron
the jury chose this one. the director was in attendance. the lady who coached him through his q&a was really just stumping for the jury. they chose this one because there aren't examples of young men's (or women's) desire for older men (or women) in film like there are of, say, young men's desire for older women. ...aren't there? actually i couldn't think of any either. but it still just seemed like a coming out story to me. maybe it wasn't for my generation, and i didn't want to sound overly critical in asking why the director so consciously decided to set the film in 1994, the year of ellen. the year that gay ended (and the year in which most of the gay in columbus, ohio continues to thrive). mr. director had already confessed to having had a crush on walt disney as a child (which would have been nowhere around the time of ellen) and had related how the release of the film marked his coming out to an industry in which he had worked as a closeted actor for forty years. this is getting long. you'll probably have a chance to see this one somewhere else, though, so nothing else. wait. nothing other than that woman who looked like amy sedaris playing the protagonist's mother and telling him that she had replaced all of the pineapples in her collages with pictures of snakes eating mice. that and mr. carter's hilarious latina girlfriend.
correction: ellen came out in 1997. but i stand by my assertion that gay ended in 1994. (could bergeron be unfamiliar with bert archer?)
"the commitment," canada, written and directed by albert chan
the only non-comedy of the lot. super gay. i think that we were supposed to have been moved by the tenderness and emotional vulnerability of the two men trying to adopt a baby. they're two men! and they cry and sometimes get hysterical (...and without uteri! or else, you know, they could have a baby more easily). the message, though, is that these guys should just be happy that they have someone with whom they would want to have a baby. (some straight people don't have that!) ultimately, though, just hokey in too much makeup. seriously, when the one guy was crying at the end it was streaking. that and the birth mother (who ultimately decides she wants to raise her own kid). her story about her gay brother running away from home before her dad could kick him out was unexpectedly welcome after the opening. but the thing could have ended with that first conversation at the agency.
"el nido vacío," spain, venezuela, u.s.a., written and directed by francisco lupini-basagoiti
almodóvar does a short about a sex therapist who can't deal with issues of sexuality under her own roof. drunky slapstick in bright colors with a mecano soundtrack all over the walls. that and two shots of a huge, huge dick. enough said.
you decide what you're missing. columbus still sucks because you do.
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