O PORTOLANDIA

“entonces me arrastré y el baño y me metí, vestido, en la bañadera. el agua fría empezó a calmarme y en mi cabeza comenzaron a aparecer algunos hechos aislados, aunque destrozados e inconexos, como los primeros objetos que se ven emerger después de una gran inundación:” the clouds above the square in front of city hall -- in front of the statue of the viscount of almeida garrett -- and the stalls of the book fair there where there would be none of antunes’ books in english; excuses; the secret inside the door of the [lello] bookstore, where there were neither that elusive “knowledge of hell” nor any pictures; one euro bifanas on the way down the hill to a bar called cris; the clouds and the rain; the infante henry and, higher up, the dragoon, the city incarnate, petrified; the absence of the moors; the bridge to the gondola to the factories; the other bridges from that one -- and a river looking cold under the clouds; the grey light outside as seen from inside the majestic, where i’m sharing a smile with maybe a french woman after the pianist starts to play george michael; my pen breaking in a bathroom at the fine arts faculty of the university, and the mid-century force of the central staircase outside, over which i break my pen wanting to write something in speculation about salazar; having the special and not seeming to like it; backtracking from trindade to the statue of garret and then the coin lockers, again, at trindade; a still unbelievable sandwich; asking her if i could change in the parking garage; all those beautiful boys; a street full of noses; the same street, but asses the second time around; the sayonara napkin when it finally started to rain; the boys and the beer and the rain; a giant mirror -- and us, in a giant mirror; excuses; under a bus shelter under a tree; dancing; talking about dancing; one last time past the giant mirror (zoom); being surprised that the morning birds were seagulls; being asked about dancing; hitting the tree. and dreams too. but we’d already made our excuses. i needed to go collect my camera.