PARENTS' WEEK

at the cafes, and in the restaurants, and on the boulevards -- they're unmistakable. they marvel at all of the bike parking and at the beer selections. and they marvel at their guides, those precious ingenues they were forced to abandon to the not so big city and the promise of enough time off to perfect their "young creative" wardrobes (which they share, of course, through portland's highly sophisticated and streamlined system of second hand retail).

so the proud midwestern parents are always easily identifiable by the contrast they strike with their transplanted children, but they're nonetheless dutifully chaperoned through all the famous quirks of the rose city, and if they haven't been footing the bill up until now, they'll be more than happily shelling out this week for the privilege of experiencing the sights, tastes and provocations of their children's adopted home in the company of a worldly non-native (which of course connotes having more knowledge about what makes portland portland than anyone who was actually raised here).

it's parents' week in portland! don't know anyone in the city over fifty? neither does anyone else (except, of course, their own parents). get out and say hello! the only thing cooler than meeting your friends' mothers and fathers is showing your own around with that devil may care nonchalance that erected a thousand pabst billboards and made this city great -- with the sure protection of knowing that everyone knows that we're all in the same boat. and dads, as we've now all been reminded, are the original hipsters. (the perfect accessory!) so if yours is still around and still likes your mother, they deserve a chance to come and see what they did to the world. and they'll pay for it in one way or another. go on. get in on the fun.