HOW TO KICK A DEAD GIFT HORSE (IN THE MOUTH THIS TIME)

although i have to agree with commenter 'unimpeachable bastard' that, "all [non-erotica] sex writing is pretty much laughably bad," i have to give laura miller credit for inaugurating salon.com's first good sex (the year's best writing in fiction) awards. as much as the attempt may be futile, miller's got it right with her premise: "writing well about sex -- one of life's most delightful and important activities -- is difficult, so instead of sneering and sniggering at the authors who get it wrong, why not celebrate the ones who succeed?"

salon will now be excerpting "good sex" passages from eight finalists, two today, two tomorrow, two on saturday, the runner-up on sunday and the top award winner on valentine's day monday. unfortunately, number eight (the excerpt on which unimpeachable bastard commented), from the petting zoo by jim carroll, doesn't bode well for the footing of the contest. we love us some penis talk, but this?

marta slipped off her blouse and shorts. then, before he could protest, she unsnapped his pants and withdrew his cock. it was no different than billy, half bewildered, half aroused. wet, and hissing through clenched teeth, marta straddled him again, and in one deft move, squeezed her fingernails into its base while insistently shoving the engorged head of his miraculous hard-on inside her...

there were no interruptions this time, however, and billy lost all passivity to the moment and his masculine instincts. grabbing marta’s classically rounded hips, he slammed her up and down on his perfect erection until he began to shudder in orgasm.

i'm sniggering. let's hope that places seven through one do better and that the good sex awards can make it into a second year and outlast the salon book club (though maybe that was just a summer thing and wasn't actually canceled). i'll be keeping my eye out all this year for nominees.

chin up, laura. the worse the selections, the more i'll be excited for your judges' comments.

update, 5:18 p.m.: from the looks of the comments posted after unimpeachable's, ms. miller's readers don't agree with her judges. will we even get number seven today?