COUNTDOWN TO CANADA

next week 'looking good in pants' is making its first foray into the exciting and romantic world of international blogging. from 8/26 to 8/31, we'll be commentating on location from vancouver, british columbia, which is in a different country. since my mobile device isn't exactly smart, we won't be able to live blog the h&m shopping trip like we dreamed, though that trip will be uniquely important this visit as we'll have the opportunity to round up all the cute stuff and rock it without seeing it on anyone else for all of september before portland's h&m opens in the old saks space the following month. (just imagine a tour group of japanese at a louis viutton store in paris.) like most of our aspirations, however, it's only an idle fantasy, because we're not so dull as to think that h&m won't have turned its entire inventory at least four times in that month.

but we're getting ahead of ourselves. canada is another country. having on multiple occasions had the anthropological fortune to interact with native canadians both in their country and in mine, i've been able to completely dispel the common notion that canada is nothing more than a lo-cal, decaffeinated america. that america and canada are one and the same entity divided only by old commonwealth loyalties is actually just a myth spread by monsanto to justify the invasion of its genetically modified canola into canada's rolling fields of beautiful organic rapeseed. no. canada is possessed of a unique culture, character and natural and man made geographies.

one saturday afternoon on third beach at stanley park in vancouver, i was in conversation with four canadian friends about the differences between our countries. the content of that conversation should be enough to convince any american that canada is as foreign and exotic as anywhere in his or her travel fantasies.

in canada, the canadians celebrate canada day. until that conversation, i had been under the mistaken (and pompous) impression that canada day was a less bombastic american independence day. but in fact, canada day is celebrated every wednesday to honor celine dion's eponymous platinum album. you see, celine dion is the lord protector of canada, and everything done in canada is done in deference to canada's national symbol: celine dion's maple glazed beaver. it's in proud service to that symbol that canada levies the taxes it does, not, as is commonly assumed in america, to support a wide and inclusive net of social services. canada's parliament runs budgets well beyond even the astronomical deficits we have here in america. the taxes collected on alcohol sales in british columbia (and particularly in vancouver where alcohol taxes exceed the rates of anywhere else in the country) are not used to provide health care or unemployment benefits, but rather to satisfy the needs of the lord protector's children, who communicate with her only by pointing and speaking canada's motto: "celine, i want."

canadians also aren't haunted by the possibility of mandatory military service. although america's military is currently volunteer, who here doesn't wonder if a draft might someday be reinstated (especially if the tide of this year's midterm elections comes in to the right)? canada's standing army is small and specialized, and civic responsibility in canada is, understandably, demonstrated by service to the world of entertainment. as such, canadians are regularly conscripted into cirque du soleil. one friend described two grueling years as a trapeze artist. the pay was meager and the hours long, but the show goes on in canada. i asked another friend about his experience, and he explained to me that he had only sold tickets, being -- he struggled for a moment to identify the term -- what we here call a conscientious objector. the sun was shining that may afternoon, and the mood at the beach was correspondingly bright, but chris looked down at the sand and quietly intoned what once must have been a loud and spirited rallying cry. "this circus is for all the wrong reasons."

it was nice to know that a common humanity still bridged the different worlds of our countries' cultures. we're excited to bring you warm tales of that humanity as well as wild coverage of quiet nights at deserted bars and browsing used book stalls. oh, and kickball. stay tuned.